What you can’t see in this photo is the tightrope on which I walk. It is invisible, which makes it all the trickier to balance on, but it is very real. And it is the tightrope on which anyone who wears polka dots in 2018 must walk.
Polka dots are this summer’s take-you-anywhere trend. They are both reassuringly classic and thrillingly of the moment. They were on all the catwalks, from Balenciaga’s floaty spotty skirts worn with sock boots to Giorgio Armani’s neat monochrome sundresses, and they are in every high street store. Search for polka-dot dress on Asos and you have 182 to choose from, at the last count. But polka dots are not easy to wear. This look can go wrong very quickly, as there are pitfalls on both sides.
Here’s the thing. There is a certain kind of polka-dot dress that is likely to make you look as if you are off to a day at the races. Nothing at all wrong with a day at the races – I absolutely love a day at the races, which is never not excellent fun – but I wouldn’t go to the races in the full garb, hat decorated with a cheese straw rendered in lavender-coloured satin, and so on. That incarnation of the polka dot – day at the races, Julia Roberts at the polo, early Princess Di – is quite hard to pull off unless you are absolutely certain that your sideways, witty take on polka dots will be understood. The trouble with sideways, witty takes on fashion is that they read as ironic only if you are under 25. Pull a polka dot stunt in midlife and you can look like a Sloane Ranger dressed for sports day in 1985. Even Sloanes don’t dress like that for sports day any more: it’s all competitive athleisure, obviously.
But give the day at the races polka dot too wide a berth and you risk falling into the trap on the opposite side. Veer too sharply from sweet femininity and into artsiness and you start to look like a Yayoi Kusama installation. When worn with asymmetric hems or baggy trousers or mismatched earrings, polka dots can look exhaustingly quirky. Art world is generally a very good sartorial look – arguably, the ultimate style reference of the Phoebe Philo at Céline years. Discuss – but art world character, played for laughs in a romcom, all pink hair and strange shoes, less so. The right polka dot sits in the middle of these two looks. Tread carefully.
• Jess wears shirt, £95, kitristudio.com. Trousers, £69.99, mango.com. Mules, £110, senso.com. Styling: Melanie Wilkinson. Hair and makeup: Claire Ray at Carol Hayes Management.
