What is it like to try for a baby when the medication you take for depression doesn’t mix well with pregnancy?
Throughout my teens, I was adamant I didn’t want children. I thought they were annoying, sticky money pits who had no business being near me. I was a sad and corny teen.
Now I’m 30. I’m still sad, but I’m not broke, and I have a husband. My feelings on the child situation have changed. I’m more open to it now. I think it was a combination of seeing other people with kids and, as I’ve gotten older, having more love to give – or something.
I didn’t have the most stable childhood (or adulthood, for that matter), but I’m now in a position where I could give a kid a good and not-at-all toxic upbringing. I’m not desperate to have a baby – not that there’s anything wrong with that – but I’d love to try.
I traipsed off to therapy, excited to discuss starting a family. I’d only talked about it with my husband, and my therapist would be the only other person who’d know. Lucky her! I readied myself for all her joy and delight. I’d seen it before with my friends. They’d start with a goofy grin on their face and say something like: “We’ve stopped using birth control.” This would be followed by gasps and tiny squeals of glee: “You’re trying for a baby! We’re so happy for you!”
With the same goofy grin that I’d seen from my friends, I proudly announced to my therapist that I wanted to start a family. She smiled, looked me dead in the eye and said: “If you want to have a baby, you need to tell me around three months before you start trying.”
Ah, just how I dreamed it would be!
I have bipolar II, which means I experience frequent episodes of severe depression with a smattering of hypomania. Therefore, I need a longer lead time to process and plan for the mental and physical changes that occur during pregnancy. I’d heard of postpartum depression, and I’d heard of people developing depression during pregnancy, but I hadn’t heard anything about what happens when you’re already depressed and want to have a baby. But with that one decision – to try for a baby – my depression shifted to pre-prenatal depression.
The prevalence of mental illness cannot be overstated. One in six Americans suffer from a mental illness, millions of whom are depressed – and according to an analysis carried out by a clinical psychologist at Oxford University, women are 40% more likelythan men to develop mental health conditions.
So it seemed odd that there’s not more out there about getting pregnant while depressed. The few stories I found scared the shit out of me. (One article was ominously titled “Scary news for people who get pregnant while depressed”.) And, unfortunately, there’s no clear list of guidelines for depressed women who want to become moms.
As the Bay Area psychiatrist Jill Armbrust explained to me, the plans for treating a person with depression who wants to get pregnant are the same as those for anyone who’s becoming depressed. “The difference being there would be more focus on and care put on the side effects of various medications.” This takes a lot of time and careful planning. “One usually starts with about six months of psychotherapy, if you have that kind of luxury,” Armbrust advised.
For more read the full of article at The Guardian
